By Jessica Sirias, Collaborative Counseling Program Psychotherapist
By now, you may have heard the popular phrase “new year, new me”. This saying typically accompanies new year’s resolutions and expresses a surge of optimism and motivation to complete them. However, many people do not complete their resolutions which can impact mental health more than you think.
Societal expectations often make us feel that we must be productive, should always be doing something, and have concrete outcomes that reflect how successful we are. Productivity can be a useful ingredient to move towards where we want to go, who we want to be, and what we want to accomplish. However, many of us follow the norm by setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves around how productive we should be, and consequently set ourselves up for failure. This can lead to negative perceptions of ourselves, low self-esteem, anxiety, and social isolation from feeling like we are not measuring up to others. Even as a mental health professional and psychotherapist, I too have fallen victim to these patterns and have felt the negative impact of failed new year’s resolutions on my own mental health. This experience prompted me to be more intentional this year and to reflect on what is going to make the most sense for me as an individual. In my work with clients at Acknowledge Alliance, we often discuss how to move toward positive change and setting challenging yet achievable goals throughout the year. If you have made or will soon set a new year’s resolution, consider the following tips to help support your mental health and get you closer to meeting your goals:
1. Look beyond concrete outcomes.
New year's resolutions do not have to be limited only to eating healthier or exercising more. Perhaps a more meaningful goal would be to get to know yourself better, to repair a relationship, or something as straightforward as surviving the year. You may also consider an incremental goal of just thinking about moving towards some kind of change. Change is difficult, and it is important to reflect on where we stand mentally and emotionally towards the proposed change before actually taking action.
It is important to think about challenging yourself appropriately - identifying your unique comfort threshold based on where you are in your life, and not necessarily the threshold that meets societal expectations. If you are not ready to take action towards change, your threshold may mean you should just consider and assess the change. And if you are ready to move towards making a resolution, be sure to identify what steps in achieving your goal will be appropriately challenging and realistically attainable. For example, if you set a resolution to get to know yourself better, people might suggest going to therapy as a good step towards meeting this goal. However, if going to therapy feels too challenging or scary, you might consider journaling on a routine basis instead. The key is to follow your own lead.
2. Integrate self-care.
Self-care is important whenever we consider any kind of change or outcome in our life because it allows us to feel a sense of hope that there is space for new challenges. When we feel hopeful and confident that we can face these challenges, we are more likely to move forward to where we want to go.
Self-care has become a popular mental health topic and many people might generalize the concept as going on vacation or spa-related experiences. You can define what self-care means and looks like to you. Self-care does not need to cost money and can exist in all aspects of your life. It can be setting boundaries, asking for help, going out with a friend, taking breaks and resting (whatever that looks like to you), or something as simple as drinking water. Think about self-care as glimmers in your life - experiences where you feel enjoyable emotions, can breathe, and have space for yourself. Self-care can also work like buffers to help bring a sense of balance and space to face the challenges of life.
3. Use your support system.
Human beings are wired for connection and community, and tapping into our support systems can be helpful when we have trouble moving towards our goals, or sustaining them. They can also be helpful when we need encouragement and acknowledgement of our efforts. Using your support system can be an essential part of your self-care regime. For example, when you have trouble or feel stuck moving towards your resolutions, you can reach out to a friend or family member who is supportive and encouraging. You can also ask someone to check in with you or hold you accountable to your goals in a supportive way. If you are in therapy, it can be helpful to use your therapist as a resource and support for reflecting on your goals and experiences.
4. Re-evaluate your resolutions as needed.
Your new year’s resolution does not have to be fixed and stay the same all year round. Treat it like a resolution that could be changed or adjusted at any time. You might learn in a few days or even months from now that your resolution is too challenging and unrealistic. It is also completely okay if you find that the steps you make towards your resolutions start off very inconsistent or even nonexistent. Again, change and sustainability is difficult and we can honor where we are at, give ourselves grace, forgive ourselves if we fail, and then adjust our resolutions if we need to. It can be helpful to re-evaluate and reflect on your resolutions on a regular basis to adjust as needed.