How to Set Healthy Holiday Boundaries

The holiday season is a time for generosity, celebrations with loved ones, and cherished traditions. However, we can quickly become overwhelmed by the seemingly endless party invitations, family obligations, the burden of maintaining traditions, and just making sure that the holidays are special for everyone. If we are not careful about setting limits with ourselves and others, we risk burning out by spending all our time, energy and money trying to please everyone but ourselves. A 2021 study found that 60% of Americans feel their mental health is negatively impacted by the holidays, with increases in anxiety and depression (Ellis, 2021)

Some people may equate setting boundaries with creating conflict or distance from others, but boundaries are actually a great way to ensure the holidays are enjoyable for everyone. Setting, communicating and maintaining healthy boundaries can strengthen your relationships and lead to fewer misunderstandings (Martin, 2021). Try out these 7 ways you can set healthy boundaries so you can protect your well-being and experience a more joyous holiday season.

1. Determine Your Priorities and Define Your Boundaries in Advance
To determine your priorities, Crisis Text Line suggests you start by asking yourself what the most meaningful aspects of the holidays are for you (2023). You can also identify people and situations that cause you to feel anger, disappointment, resentment, stress, sadness, and other difficult emotions (Martin, 2021). Here are some helpful questions you can ask yourself from psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation advisor Ernesto Lira de la Rosa:

• What things are important for me to do during this holiday season?

• How do I want to feel after the holidays are over?

• Do I need some time for myself during the holiday season?

• What will help me feel happy during the holiday season?

• Am I saying yes to a lot of things because I feel guilty?

After you define your boundaries, write them down so you have clear guidelines for what you want to achieve and why it is important (Martin, 2021).

2. Communicate Openly
If you want your boundaries to be respected, you need to be able to effectively communicate them to the people you want to follow them. Have an honest conversation with the individual clearly explaining your boundary and why it is important to you. It may be difficult to openly express how their behavior has negatively affected you, but they are more likely to respect your wishes if they understand your perspective (Crisis Text Line, 2023).

3. Say No (Kindly) and Yes to What You Really Want To
It is impossible to please everyone all the time, and “it is perfectly acceptable to allocate your time and energy to what matters most to you” (Crisis Text Line, 2023). Consider what your top 2-3 holiday-related activities are and commit to saying “yes” to these (Ellis, 2021). Politely decline to the rest as needed, and try to communicate what you can and cannot do in advance so people can adjust their expectations accordingly (Martin, 2021).

Image courtesy of SelfLoveRainbow on Instagram

4. Set a Budget for Holiday Spending
Gift-giving, travel and other holiday expenses can cause significant financial stress. You can avoid this by setting your overall seasonal spending budget in advance and sticking to it. Maintaining these boundaries may mean communicating your spending limits for gift exchanges, or simply opting out of them all together (Ellis, 2021).

5. Excuse Yourself from Triggering Conversations
Whether it be distant family you rarely see, coworkers you do not frequently socialize with, or even loved ones you are around often, most of us find ourselves interacting with people who have different points of view and communication styles during the holidays. These differences may be exacerbated when conversations at the dinner table turn to politics, religion, culture or current events. Avoid triggering conversations by just saying “we will have to agree to disagree” or “I am here to enjoy family and the holiday, not debate” (Ellis, 2021). 

6. Prioritize Self-Care
It is easy to forget to take care of ourselves during the hectic holiday season. Make it a point to find time for yourself to recharge. Take time to meditate, read for pleasure, journal, exercise or do whatever leaves you feeling rejuvenated. Doing so will help you stay grounded and less likely to feel overwhelmed (Ellis, 2021)

7. Maintain and Set Consequences for Your Boundaries
Setting boundaries is an ongoing practice and not a one-time activity (Martin, 2021). You may need to reiterate the same boundary to some people, and consider what you will do when your nonnegotiable boundaries are violated. As psychotherapist Divya Robin says, “boundaries without a consequence are just a suggestion” (Ellis, 2021). If you have decided that a specific boundary has no room for flexibility and someone refuses to respect it, you do not have to tolerate their behavior. Although you cannot force someone to behave a certain way, you can choose to limit interaction with those who violate your boundaries in order to protect your own emotional well-being (Ellis, 2021) 
 

References:

Calderon, Dominee. (2024, November 19). Boundaries During the Holidays Can Sound Like. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/DCj6VQrtI90/

Crisis Text Line. (2023, December 6). How to Set Healthy Boundaries for the Holidays. Retrieved from https://www.crisistextline.org/blog/2023/12/06/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-for-the-holidays/

Ellis, Sydni. (2021, December 14). 10 Realistic Ways To Set Boundaries With Others During The Holidays. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/set-boundaries-others-holiday_l_61ae7bdde4b0eb351707a386

Martin, Sharon. (2021, December 16). Healthy Holiday Boundaries. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202112/healthy-holiday-boundaries

A Day in the Life of a Resilience Consultant

My name is Pam Lozoff, and I am an Acknowledge Alliance Resilience Consultant supporting several elementary schools in Mountain View and Redwood City. 

To be a Resilience Consultant is to be fluid like water, responsive to the changing tides of each school climate and culture and all of the individuals who comprise each school ecosystem. Some schools have a steady flow of processes and team dynamics, others are more in crisis, like a fire hose or a torrent. Each day and each week are dynamic; we continue to shape shift and adapt to each changing school environment. 

To illustrate the many ways that our team of mental health professionals are building thriving school communities, I am delighted to share with you a composite of real-life examples across multiple school sites to give you a glimpse into a “typical day” of a Resilience Consultant:

8:30 am: I arrive at my school site and settle into my working space. It is a communal office space shared with three other staff members. I feel very lucky to have a dedicated working area at one of my sites, since space is always so coveted at schools. 

9 am: I meet one-on-one with the school counselor. During our time together, I provide support with her caseload of students, her SEL curriculum and managing challenges at the school.

9:30 am: I am off to a one-on-one meeting with the school’s Resource Specialist to discuss her high levels of stress.  We talk about how she can incorporate daily self-care practices, like taking a 10 minute walk around campus and doing an intention setting and end of day ritual to set boundaries on work stress before going home. Educators have so much on their plates, and can really benefit from learning these effective strategies for dealing with stress.

10 am: Next, I attend a meeting with the 5th grade teaching team to provide support with some challenges they are having with a particular student. Together, we brainstorm interventions and strategies for staying regulated when addressing big feelings with students.  

10:30 am: The next meeting I have is with the 3rd grade teaching team to discuss some challenges they are having with their new district-wide English Language Arts curriculum. It has been particularly challenging with students who are English Language Learners and are a few grade levels behind in their literacy. I remind the teachers how important it is to give themselves grace and compassion as they are tasked with the significant feat of teaching bilingual education.

11:30 am: It’s lunch time! It is essential to take the time to pause during the busy day for my lunch break, so I can recharge my batteries. Somedays I choose to take my lunch alone, but today I have my lunch in the staff lounge with school staff.  At Castro Elementary School, there is a wonderful place of respite where I will sometimes meet with staff to catch a breath amidst the flurry of the school day.

12 pm: I host a Weekly Recharge gathering so staff have a space to decompress and connect with one another. We usually have tea together, I guide a brief meditation or mindful movement practice, and staff are invited to share a current stressor or self-care practice. We had a great turnout with 9 staff members attending the first session!

12:30 pm: One-on-one meeting with a 1st Grade teacher who has been struggling with regulating her own emotions.  

1 pm: I meet with the school’s Community Liaison to debrief about an event he had led and feelings of frustration he had with a few colleagues. We talk about some effective communication strategies he can use to discuss his frustrations in a constructive way.

1:30 pm: I meet with the 2nd grade teaching team where we chat about different strategies they can use to help balance their professional and personal lives. This is challenging in any profession, but especially for teachers who have so many duties and responsibilities beyond teaching content daily. 

2 pm: I have a meeting with the school principal. Among a variety of topics, we talk about how Acknowledge Alliance can continue to support the principal in creating a positive school culture where people feel valued and supported. 

2:30 pm: I wrap up with my administrative tasks and enter my notes from the day. Then it’s time for the long commute home!

On Halloween, two of our school sites that share a campus combined their school communities to orchestrate a parade for over 600 students and their families. It really shows what amazing things we can accomplish when we all work together to create warm, positive school environments.

Practicing Gratitude This Holiday Season

The hectic holiday season is once again upon us. Along with the joy of gatherings and festivities, the holidays may also trigger stress, sadness, anxiety or depression. In fact, a 2021 American Psychiatric Association poll found that 41% of U.S. adults reported an increase in stress during the holidays. Respondents shared they were worried about things like general finances, the ability to afford gifts, and stressful family dynamics (Wilde, 2023).

By practicing gratitude regularly, we can improve our mental health and better cope with the many challenges of the holiday season. In their work with students and teachers throughout the year, Acknowledge Alliance’s therapists and resilience consultants often emphasize the many health and well-being benefits of recognizing and expressing the things we are grateful for. Research has shown that gratitude has significant positive impacts on the body and mind. Gratitude has been found to help release toxic emotions, reduce pain symptoms, improve sleep quality, aid in stress regulation, and reduce anxiety and depression (Chowdhury, 2019).

As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share that:

“Our brains are wired to think negative thoughts first, to keep us alive and safe. It’s harder to think positive thoughts, so we have to work at it. We have to practice thinking positively to be able to think positively more often.”

You can start cultivating gratitude today by trying out two of the activities that our team uses with students in Project Resilience:

1. See good things as “gifts.”
Thinking of the good things in your life as gifts, write down 4 things you are grateful for, whatever they may be.

2. Share your kind thoughts and gratitude with others by writing, drawing, or sending a message.
Write a compliment or thank-you note for someone in your home, share a message of gratitude with a friend over a phone call or text, or draw a picture of something that makes you feel happy and display it for others to see. Members of the Acknowledge Alliance team put this into practice and shared the following messages of gratitude:

- Tracy Lyons, Resilience Consultation Program Director
 

“Something that makes me happy is when one of my adult children says “yes” to dinner - a simple couple of hours of quality time together.”

- Cindy Goldman, Secretary of Board of Directors

"This is a saying I find very helpful."
- Susan Esterly, Vice Chair of Board of Directors
  

“This year, my feelings of immense gratitude are for all of our staff and board members at Acknowledge Alliance. I am constantly impressed by your performance. Your remarkable talents and skills fuel our mission, and your excellent work and care are an inspiration to me every day. Thank you.”
- Sharon Navarro, Executive Director

References

Chowdhury, Madhuleena Roy. (2019, April 9). The Neuroscience of Gratitude and Effects on the Brain. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/  

Wilde, Sadie. (2023, November 10). Ask an Expert — Four Ways Gratitude Can Keep Your Holidays Happy. Retrieved from https://www.usu.edu/today/story/ask-an-expert--four-ways-gratitude-can-keep-your-holidays-happy

Building Inclusion, Diversity, Equity, and Access in Silicon Valley

By Ryan Magcuyao, Director of Development

For the past year, I have had the opportunity to represent Acknowledge Alliance on the Board of Directors of the Association of Fundraising Professionals, Silicon Valley Chapter (AFPSV). As part of this partnership, I had the privilege of leading the IDEA (Inclusion, Diversity, Equity, and Accessibility) Fellowship Program. This program acknowledges that many nonprofits, especially in fundraising and development roles, are missing the voices and experiences of young professionals of color, LGBTQ+, and other underrepresented communities, and provides those professionals with training, mentoring, and leadership opportunities. This program culminated in a luncheon panel entitled “Holding The Door: The Impact of Cultural Shifts Around DEI”. The visionary panel speakers, Lavere Foster (African American Community Service Agency), Maria Garcia (The Health Trust), and Anna Dapelo-Garcia (Stanford Health Care, Lean In Latinas) spoke on the importance of DEI and how to advocate for it as we see increased push-back, politicization, and vilification. 

Acknowledge Alliance’s continued focus on promoting DEI in our agency aligns with the work of our panelists. As an agency that supports students and teachers, the majority of whom are from diverse races and cultures, are from economically disenfranchised backgrounds, and have experienced various challenges, we strive to reflect those we serve. We acknowledge that everyone comes from a different background, and those experiences matter in how they shape our work. These conversations identify diversity beyond just ethnicity, and also include gender, orientation, disability, and zip code are all important factors that must be considered. 

As Ms. Dapelo-Garcia said during the panel, “this work requires you to rock the boat and say things that will make people uncomfortable”, which is a sentiment that the leadership of Acknowledge Alliance greatly believes in. By being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, we allow ourselves to be open to difficult conversations around racism, prejudice, violence, and stigma within the school and mental health systems. I am proud of Acknowledge Alliance and AFPSV’s work to disrupt industry culture to allow equitable growth for diverse individuals. 

The IDEA Fellowship is a year-long professional development program that grants fellows full access to all the benefits of AFPSV membership free of cost. These benefits include a year membership to AFP, automatic enrollment into the AFP Mentorship Program, monthly workshops on a variety of topics, monthly cohort meetings with guest speakers from the AFP board of directors, and more. AFPSV is currently accepting applications for the 2025 cohort.

View the full recording of "Holding the Door: The Impact of Cultural Shifts Around DEI"

Suicide Prevention: Know the Signs, Find the Words, and Reach Out

September is Suicide Prevention Month, a time to empower each of us in our community to prevent suicide. Did you know that for the last 5 years in California, suicide has been the second leading cause of death for youth ages 10 to 25? Locally, the 2023 San Mateo County Health and Quality of Life Survey revealed that 45% of county residents were experiencing difficulty with loneliness and isolation. Learn more about how to spot warning signs of suicide and how you can take steps to prevent it below. Remember, we can all be the one to take actions that can promote healing, help and give hope. 

Warning Signs
According to 988 Lifeline, the following warning signs may help you determine if someone you care about is at risk for suicide. This is especially true ”if their behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss or change” (988 Lifeline, 2024).

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves

• Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun

• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live

• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

• Talking about being a burden to others

• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs

• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly

• Sleeping too little or too much

• Withdrawing or isolating themselves

• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

• Extreme mood swings

5 Steps for Communicating with Someone in Crisis
Supported by evidence in the field of suicide prevention, 988 Lifeline has five action steps for communicating with someone in crisis:

1. Ask
Studies show that acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce suicidal ideation. By asking “are you thinking about suicide?” in a direct, unbiased manner, you open the door to communication with the person you are concerned about. After asking this question, it is important to listen to what they have to say in a non-judgemental and supportive way. Be sure to listen to their reasons for being in such emotional pain, and help them focus on the reasons they share for wanting to stay alive. Remember, never promise to keep their thoughts of suicide a secret. 

2. Be There
Just by being there, you can save the life of someone having suicidal thoughts. Whether you are there for them physically, by speaking to them on the phone, or in any other way you can provide support, you are increasing their connectedness to others and limiting their sense of isolation. Research has shown that connectedness is a key protective factor against suicide, hopelessness and psychological pain (Klonsky & May, 2014).

3. Help Keep Them Safe
This step is centered around putting time and distance between the person and highly lethal means (like firearms and medications) or their chosen method of suicide. Studies have shown that when access to such means is removed, suicide rates by that method decline. You can ask the following questions to help gather the information you need to ensure the person’s immediate safety:

• Have they already done anything to try to kill themselves before talking with you?

• Does the person experiencing thoughts of suicide know how they would kill themselves?

• Do they have a specific, detailed plan?

• What’s the timing for their plan?

• What sort of access do they have to their planned method?

Once you know the answers to these questions, you can reach out to 988 Lifeline or 911 for help and next steps.

4. Help Them Connect
The person will need ongoing support, so it is important to help them create a safety net for times when they are in crisis. A safety net can include sources of support in their community, such as 988 Lifeline, a mental health professional, and other resources. You can also help them to develop a safety plan, which can help them identify when they are starting to experience severe suicidal thoughts, what they can do in those moments, and a list of individuals they can contact.

5. Follow Up
Studies have shown that the number of deaths by suicide were decreased when simple follow-up was conducted. Receiving a text or phone call to check-in can help the person increase their feelings of connectedness and being supported.

Helpful Resources

• If you are someone you know is in crisis, please call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for help anytime, 24/7

• San Mateo County Suicide Prevention Month

• #BeThe1To: How and Why the 5 Steps Can Help

References
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. (2024).How and Why the 5 Steps Can Help. Retrieved from https://www.bethe1to.com/bethe1to-steps-evidence/

Klonsky, E. David & May, Alexis M. (2015, June 29). The Three-Step Theory (3ST): A New Theory of Suicide Rooted in the “Ideation-to-Action” Framework. International Journal of Cognitive Therapy 2015 8:2, 114-129.

San Mateo County Health. (2024). Suicide Prevention Month San Mateo County. Retrieved from https://smcsuicideprevention.com/

Collective Resilience: How can we be well TOGETHER?

In August, Acknowledge Alliance was thrilled to be a part of Boys & Girls Clubs of Silicon Valley’s Wellness Day 2024. BGCSV offers innovative and effective afterschool and summer enrichment programs primarily for low-income, at-risk Santa Clara County youth ages 5-18+. BGCSV’s trained youth development staff provide mentoring relationships in six core program areas: Education, Technology, Character & Leadership, Health, Arts, and Sports. On Wellness Day, over 230 of BGCSV’s youth development staff gathered to embrace the day’s theme of Holistic Wellness: nurturing the mind, body and spirit.

Acknowledge Alliance Program Manager Poonam Raj Singh, Ed.M, PCC gave the keynote address titled “Collective Resilience: How can we be well TOGETHER?” Poonam shared her own wellness journey as a youth development professional, and guided attendees in figuring out what wellness means together by discussing concepts around collective resilience. The group learned how we can draw from our own stories, nature and indigenous wisdom, Black feminist thought, and radical imagination to anchor our definitions of collective resilience. Afterall, as Black feminist author, professor and activist bell hooks said, “rarely if ever are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.”

Resilience Consultants Cheyenne Berry, Cheree Clark, and Cortney Richardson were also on hand providing wellness check-ins and self-care resources. From having confidential conversations about work-related or personal issues, providing mental health resources, or sharing fun Self-Care Bingo cards, our staff loved meeting members of the BGCSV team. We are so inspired by the amazing youth development professionals of BGCSV and appreciate all they do to help our community’s young people thrive!

How to Help Our Youth Reduce Screen Time and Feel Better About Themselves

For many young people, more free time during the summer leads to more time spent on screens. A survey published by Common Sense Media found that the average youth ages 8 to 12 spends 5.5 hours daily using screens, and teenagers ages 13 to 18 spend an average of 8.75 hours daily on screens (Moyer, 2022). This tends to increase even more during the summer, which is concerning since studies have shown a strong correlation between social media use and increased rates of depression and anxiety in young people (Doucleff, 2023). Research has shown that teens that reduced their social media usage to 60 minutes a week felt better about the way they look (Aubrey, 2023). Even teens themselves recognize the benefit of reducing screen time, with 72% saying they often or sometimes feel peaceful when they do not have their smartphone (Anderson, Faverio & Park, 2024).

Take a look at these tips to help you and the young people in your life to reduce screen usage:

1. Set clear goals and expectations, and hold yourselves accountable.
Psychology Today suggests creating a contract and/or technology agreement that clearly defines device usage guidelines and the consequences for breaking the rules (Scheff, 2022). To stay accountable, use device features to monitor behavior by tracking screen time, app usage and how often you pick up your device. To help reduce the urge to use your device, you can turn off social media notifications and set up a daily downtime in your device settings (Aubrey, 2023)

2. Start small by setting attainable goals.
If you are currently spending most of your free time on screens, it may be unrealistic to immediately cut down to the recommended 1-2 hours per day (Scherger, 2023). Start by scheduling a one-day break from devices each week, when your whole family will disconnect for a full 24 hours. Artist and film-maker Tiffany Shlain finds that turning off devices every Friday evening helps teens to reduce “fear of missing out” (also referred to as FOMO) that can often be triggered when teenagers compare their own experiences to others’ weekend social media posts (Aubrey, 2023).

3. Be engaged and model screen time usage.
Studies have shown that parents are their children’s greatest influence, so setting a good example is incredibly important in encouraging youth to reduce device usage (Scheff, 2022). Reflect on your own behavior and consider what message it may be sending to your children. Do you bring your phone to the table for mealtime? Are you constantly checking your text messages or social media? (Scheff, 2022). Start by changing your own behaviors and dedicate time daily to speaking face-to-face with your children and giving them your undivided attention (Scherger, 2023).

4. Store devices away to reduce temptation.
During designated screen-free times, put devices away where children and teens cannot readily access them. This can be at a charging station in a common area (Scherger, 2023) or in a lockbox if you need something to guarantee they will not be able to get their devices (Scheff, 2022).

5. Create device-free zones in the home.
It is often said that the best conversations happen around the dinner table. So why not make the shared meal area a device-free zone to help refocus family time around each other rather than screens (Scherger, 2023)?

6. Spend your time doing real-life activities.
By spending less time looking at screens, you will have more time to do other activities that bring you joy. Go on a walk outside, workout, read a book, listen to a podcast or go see your friends in person (Aubrey, 2023).

7. Curate your social media feed to invoke positive feelings.
Social media images are often manipulated to make people appear slimmer or more attractive, creating unrealistic and harmful messages about what the ideal body looks like. Be conscious of how different posts or stories make you feel, and “if a post or story makes you feel uncomfortable or less-than, make a choice to mute or unfollow” (Aubrey, 2023). Instead, connect with people who share your interests and values, and create a feed that makes you feel good (Aubrey, 2023).

References

Anderson, Monica, Faverio, Michelle, and Park, Eugenie. (2024, March 11). How Teens and Parents Approach Screen Time. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2024/03/11/how-teens-and-parents-approach-screen-time/

Aubrey, Allison. (2023, February 26). How to help young people limit screen time -  and feel better about how they look. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/02/26/1159099629/teens-social-media-body-image

Doucleff, Michaeleen. (2023, April 25). The Truth About Teens, Social Media and the Mental Health Crisis. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/04/25/1171773181/social-media-teens-mental-health

Moyer, Melinda Wenner. (2022, March 24). Kids as Young as 8 Are Using Social Media More Than Ever, Study Finds. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/well/family/child-social-media-use.html

Scheff, Sue. (2022, June 29). How to Reduce Screen Time and Improve Your Teen's Health. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame-nation/202206/how-reduce-screen-time-and-improve-your-teens-health

Scherger, Sarah. (2023, April 17). 6 tips to reduce children's screen time. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/6-tips-to-reduce-childrens-screen-time

RCP Reflections: My 2 Years at Cherry Chase Elementary

By Poonam Raj Singh, Ed. M, PCC, Resilience Consultation Program Manager

The above picture captures a really happy moment when I realized that I have almost finished two years as a Resilience Consultant at Sunnyvale’s Cherry Chase Elementary School. That was an especially fun morning because S.J. Sharkie, the San Jose Sharks’ team mascot, visited to celebrate a class that earned the top classroom of the month in their Reading is Cool literacy program. The school was bursting with excitement, and the classroom’s teacher had so much pride for his students. I know he has worked really hard with them to keep that love of reading alive. 

That morning, I spent a few hours (a little longer than usual) with the three front office staff welcoming everybody to the school. For the first time, I could really appreciate just how many requests and problems they deal with. Who opens your door and how you are greeted says a lot about your house.  Anytime you knock on Cherry Chase’s doors, you are welcomed by three smiling faces. No matter what challenges arise, within minutes they have it resolved and continue their interactions with complete professionalism and kindness.

Building Trusted Relationships
It has taken time to build relationships over the past two years. It starts with just a hello in the hallway, which is sometimes returned with a confused look. People may not know initially what a resilience consultant does, and it takes time to get to know the consultant as a person. That means knowing me, Poonam, not the role or the agency. Relationships built on deep, mutual trust must grow on a one-on-one basis, and often slowly. Such deep relationships go beyond small talk and venting, and move into more meaningful conversations around topics such as what makes them come alive, what truly matters to them, what they really want for their lives, or what they want to let go. I consider being allowed into peoples’ worlds the most honorable gift I could ever receive. It gives me purpose, connection and energy every time I am given a glimpse of someone’s authentic self.

Deep Roots
When the yard duty staff show up in the staff room to prepare for the day, I love the energy and flurry of activity in multiple languages that happens! I noticed that there are many mothers who work at the school, either with kids who are current students or with kids who were past students (some even 20 years ago). Much of the Cherry Chase staff have been there for many years; they choose to stay so they can continue to protect what they have. Cherry Chase is truly a community-driven school with deep, lasting roots in the community. Staff often share stories from 15 or 20 years ago. When there are such deep community roots, it really speaks to that community’s resilience -  like the ancient oak or redwood trees that persevere through storms and fires.

Caring Connections
I also love the effort people make with each other at Cherry Chase. The Sparkle Committee is always planning amazing things like a phenomenal hot potato bar on St. Patrick’s Day and even a make-your-own ramen bar. It is obvious they took the time to carefully think through all the details rather than just hiring a caterer to check it off their to-do list. These things are offered to the staff with a lot of love.  

Grade level teams are very close at Cherry Chase and you can feel the amount of support that team members have for each other. They look out for one another by sending a funny text when it is needed, or by providing support in times of crisis. For example, a grade level lead once asked me to check on a colleague confidentially. The teachers take care of each other, and have in some ways become a buffer from the outside pressures that may exist for teachers.

Strength in Community
Cherry Chase’s administrative team invests a tremendous amount of hard work behind-the-scenes that often goes unnoticed. These two leaders encouraged me to offer two small community restorative circles where we explored what community means to us and how we can stay joyful despite being in a system that is constantly changing with unexpected twists and turns. We explored how even though we exist in the relics and ruins of the American factory model of schooling that has existed for hundreds of years, we can choose to employ connection, empathy and kindness to transform factory school models into places of deep humanity and love. However, we cannot achieve this vision alone and have to move from self-preservation to deep community-care. As writer and activist Adrienne Maree Brown said, “in community, our potential is truly realized. what we have to offer to each other is not merely critique, anger, commentary, ownership and false power. we have the capacity to hold each other, serve each other, heal each other, create for and with each other, forgive each other, and liberate ourselves and each other” (Brown, 2009). 

Thank you Cherry Chase for a wonderful two years! I have learned so much from all of you about what it means to be part of a resilient community that isn’t always perfect, but is a beautiful messy work-in-progress that is constantly redefining itself together. There are so many of you I still have to get to know, because again, community takes time. I hope I have been a support to you, and I am grateful for so many of you trusting me and letting me into your world! I truly feel a part of your community. Showing up and seeing the blooming cherry blossoms fills me with joy every time, and I look forward to experiencing this for many years to come!

References

Brown, Adrienne Maree. (2009, July 7). In Relationship with Others. Retrieved from https://adriennemareebrown.net/2009/07/07/in-relationship-with-others/

Highlights from our 30th Anniversary Forget-Me-Not: Fields of Hope

On May 23, 2024 we held our 30th anniversary celebration Forget-Me-Not event. We had a wonderful time sharing our passion for the work we do, learning together about nurturing resilience in young people, and honoring this year's outstanding educators and community leaders. Thank you to everyone in the Acknowledge Alliance family for celebrating our school communities and making the event such a success. We look forward to continuing to help them thrive together for many years to come. 

Check out all the evening’s photos at: https://inspiredbystudio.pixieset.com/forgetmenot/

View the full recorded program on our Youtube channel

Why Schools Need a Social Worker for Teachers

“Taking innovative approaches to supporting teacher mental health will not only curb our increasing challenges with teacher burnout, it ultimately makes schools more connected and effective for everyone - teachers, staff, students, and families.” - Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Lead Social Worker and Mental Health Provider at Brooklyn Lab Charter School

Acknowledge Alliance believes that in order for students to thrive, the adults who influence their lives must be emotionally supported and empowered with the caring capacity they need to nurture students’ well-being. In the Resilience Consultation Program (RCP), our Resilience Consultants build teacher resilience by providing a weekly onsite presence at schools and offering confidential, social and emotional check-ins with school staff. They also offer Resilience Groups, where educators and administrators meet together each month. This decreases a sense of isolation and increases a sense of agency and community. Although our team members are called Resilience Consultants rather than social workers, our RCP staff take on the role Marcelle Davies-Lashley advocates for in her EdSurge article: 

So, how do you cope when your entire classroom won’t listen? What do you do when you desperately want to reach a student who is checked out? How do you build relationships with a family and engage them as a partner? And perhaps the biggest issue: How do educators cope with the secondary trauma that they are increasingly carrying themselves? These are the kinds of questions my colleagues want to explore with me. Some have concrete answers, but most of the time these questions are emotional weights and teachers need an outlet and a safe space to process them.

Whether teachers come to me with personal or professional challenges, most of them are leveraging my support because finding time outside of school to care for their own mental health isn’t possible. The teachers and staff I work with give everything they have to their job. So much, in fact, that they often don’t have time or resources to seek support for themselves. If we can’t find a way to provide it for them in a way that is truly accessible, we can’t expect them to show up and be their best selves for our students.

Learn more about supporting the mental health of teachers by reading the full article on EdSurge here.

Supportive Relationships Can Stop Toxic Stress

April is National Stress Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness of the negative consequences of stress in our daily lives and to share ways for managing it. We are all aware that some minor stress is unavoidable, but did you know chronic and disruptive stress can have serious consequences for both your physical and mental health? In fact, when children experience toxic stress, it can affect their well-being and behavior in the short term and even have lifelong effects on their health. With 1 in 3 children in California at risk for toxic stress and nearly 2 million affected by adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) which are known to trigger it, toxic stress is a serious issue that must be recognized and addressed (Tomiyoshi, 2023). 

What is Toxic Stress?
Not all stress is bad; learning how to cope with adversity is actually an important component of healthy child development (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). Our body’s natural response to occurrences like getting a vaccine injection or receiving a bad grade, is expected and should return to normal if the stressful situation is only temporary and if the child has supportive relationships with adults to help buffer the effects (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). In contrast, toxic stress is when someone “experiences major life stressors for long periods of time without adequate adult support” (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). Some examples of adverse childhood experiences that can cause toxic stress include physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence, and economic hardship (Center of the Developing Child, 2024). With toxic stress, a “child may feel threatened, unable to deal with or change the situation, hopeless or overwhelmed” (UCLA Health, 2021). 

The Effects of Toxic Stress
According to the Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University, experiencing extreme and long-term stress response can hinder the way the brain, immune system and other organ systems develop (2024). In children, toxic stress can lead to anxiety, sadness, problems concentrating or remembering things, behavioral problems, alcohol and drug use, and weakened immune systems (UCLA Health, 2021). In the long term, toxic stress can also impact a child’s lifetime risk for anxiety disorders, depression, asthma, chronic pain, heart disease, autoimmune disorders, certain cancers, and neurodegenerative disorders (UCLA Health, 2021). Research also shows that the more ACEs someone experiences, the greater the risk to their health. One study in the 1990s found that individuals who experienced four or more ACEs  had:

• Double the risk for heart disease

• 4.5 times greater risk for depression

• More than double the risk for chronic lung disease

How to Recognize the Signs of Toxic Stress
Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, former First Surgeon General of California and former First 5 California chair, shares what parents and caregivers can keep an eye out for in terms of specific signs of toxic stress in children. She says that “children suffering from toxic stress may experience headaches, tummy aches, frequent infections and asthma triggers. It can lead to difficulty with attention and learning, challenges with mood, depression, anxiety or suicidal ideation. It can affect a child’s growth and their height” (Tomiyoshi, 2023)

What Can We Do?
Although the most effective way to mitigate the effects of toxic stress is to reduce a child’s exposure to the cause of extreme stress, research shows that having the support of caring adults in a child’s life can prevent or reverse the harm caused by toxic stress, even if the stressful conditions persist (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). 

Acknowledge Alliance’s mission is to help children and adolescents develop their capacity to rebound from hardship and adversity, and grow into well-functioning adults. Our Collaborative Counseling Program (CCP) therapists work with adolescents who have experienced ACEs and continue to face extreme adversities to help them heal underlying trauma and challenges. With supportive, caring adult relationships being so critical to combatting the harmful effects of toxic stress, it is amazing that 97% of CCP clients said they were able to build trusting relationships with their counselors. Educators are some of the most influential people in a child’s life, which is why our Resilience Consultation Program (RCP) provides on-campus services to educators. This support helps educators feel emotionally nourished and set up to succeed in their challenging professions, so they can fully nurture their students’ well-being. RCP also provides social-emotional learning (SEL) classroom lessons that focus on building student’s mindfulness and resilience skills. 

Check out these additional resources to learn more about dealing with toxic stress:

• First 5 California Stronger Starts

• Stress Busters: Seven Ways to Manage Stress

• When Things Aren’t Perfect: Caring for Yourself and Your Children

• The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

References:
Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University (2024). Toxic Stress. Retreived from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/

Tomiyoshi, Tricia (2023, September 7). Toxic stress in childhood can lead to chronic health conditions. Here are 4 ways to protect your kids. Retrieved from https://health.ucdavis.edu/news/headlines/toxic-stress-in-childhood-can-lead-to-chronic-health-conditions-here-are-4-ways-to-protect-your-kids/2023/09

UCLA Health (2021, November 10). A Guide to Toxic Stress in Kids. Retrieved from https://www.uclahealth.org/news/a-guide-to-toxic-stress-in-kids

Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion

February is nearing an end and another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Although the heart shaped candies and flowers may feel like a distant memory now, we can still hold onto one of the greatest reminders Valentine’s Day has for us: one of the most important relationships we will have in life is the one we have with ourselves. Our therapists and resilience consultants work with students and teachers all year long to help foster self-compassion, and we encourage everyone in the Acknowledge Alliance family to do the same. Research shows that individuals who practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism during challenging times experience greater physical and mental health (Greater Good Science Center, 2024).

What is Self-Compassion?

According to psychologist and pioneer in the field of self-compassion Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is “the process of turning compassion inward” and “giving ourselves the same kindness and care we would give to a good friend” (Neff, 2024). Most individuals tend to be more critical of themselves than others; we often judge ourselves more harshly when we make mistakes or are dealing with difficult situations. Consider how you would comfort a close friend who was going through a similar ordeal. You would likely share words of encouragement and dispel any feelings of inadequacy they may be expressing. So why not show yourself this same level of kindness and understanding? 

Image courtesy of Newleaf Total Wellness Center

The 3 Components of Self-Compassion

Dr. Neff shares that self-compassions consists of 3 components:

1. Mindfulness

With mindfulness, people notice when they are struggling and that the pain and negative feelings they are experiencing are normal, common reactions. Rather than denying difficult emotions, we can observe our thoughts and feelings without judging ourselves as weak or flawed for having them. As the Greater Good Science Center says, “we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time” (2024).

2. Common Humanity

We all experience failure, pain and setbacks at some point in our lives. As Dr. Neff states “the very definition of being ‘human’ means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect” (Neff, 2024). In order to be self-compassionate, we must recognize that pain and imperfection are shared parts of the human experience, and that we are not the only ones going through such challenges.

3. Self-kindness

Once we are able to recognize that no one is perfect and that setbacks are an inevitable part of life, we can learn to accept and cope with our pain in healthier ways. Instead of suppressing our suffering and consequently becoming more stressed and frustrated, we can approach challenges with gentle self-talk instead of harsh self-criticism. 

Self-Compassion Practice

This 5 minute self-compassion exercise from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley is a great way to start building a more compassionate inner voice. The Resilience Consultation Program team incorporates mindfulness, grounding, or somatic practices like this one at the start of team meetings to support each staff person in shifting their attention to the shared meeting space. In addition, practicing together as a team increases staff familiarity so they are better equipped to offer suggestions or walk through different mindfulness practices with the educators they work with.

Self-Compassion Break: A Healthier Way to Deal with Stressful Situations

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break
 

References:

Breugem, Kristi (2024). Self-Compassion: What Is It, Why Do I Need It, and How Can I Do It?. Retrieved from https://newleafwellnesscentre.com/self-compassion-need-can

Neff, Kristin (2024). What is Self-Compassion? Retrieved from https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/#

The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley (2024). Self-Compassion Break. Retrieved from https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break

Try Something New This Year

The start of the new year is a time when many of us resolve to make positive changes in our lives by breaking undesirable habits or adopting healthier ones. According to Forbes, the most popular new year’s resolutions are to improve fitness, finances and mental health (Davis, 2023). While these are all fantastic areas to focus improvement upon, consider committing to trying something new this year. Whether you decide to learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby, “engaging in activities, particularly ones that help you feel connected to something — a mission, community, a belief system — are really valuable for people’s mental health overall” (Mikhail, 2022). Research shows that having a hobby can actually improve your psychological and physical well-being (Pressman, Matthews, Cohen, Martire, Scheier, Baum, & Schulz, 2009). Hobbies can serve as a way to relieve stress, and learning a new skill can boost your self-esteem as your brain starts to develop new neural pathways (Mikhail, 2022). Aside from these benefits, there is also the simple but incredibly valuable reward of experiencing joy and pleasure from a new hobby. Here are some ideas from the Contra Costa County Library and others to help inspire you to start a new hobby this year:

1. Learn how to play a new instrument.
There are numerous free resources for learning music online, and local nonprofit organizations like EPACENTER that provide equitable access to classes and internships in music, dance and creative arts.

2. Start a garden.
Enjoy the sense of pride you get from nurturing a plant from seed to full bloom, or the satisfaction of preparing a delicious meal of home-grown fruits and vegetables. Many communities have community garden programs such as the ones on this list from Incredible Edible Mid-Peninsula, and you can learn gardening techniques from the University of California at the Sunnyvale Teaching and Demo Garden. 

3. Brush up on history.
Is there a particular aspect of history that has piqued your interest that you would like to  learn more about? Check out your local library for books and other resources that help you take a deep dive into the subject. To learn more about Black history, check out Black Freedom Struggle online. 

4. Learn a new language.
Refresh your skills in a language you are already familiar with, or learn a new one. You can access books, audiobooks and other language learning tools through your local library for free.

5. Serve on a nonprofit board.
Use your unique skills and expertise to help shape the strategy and long-term success of a nonprofit organization. Learn more about what board service entails and how you can support a cause you are passionate about at BoardSource. 

6. Volunteer.
You can learn a lot about yourself while giving your time and energy to help better your community. Identify a cause and an organization that you care about, and find volunteer opportunities that align with your goals at VolunteerMatch and HandsOn Bay Area.

References:

Contra Costa County Library. (2021, December 13). New Year’s Resolution: Learn Something New. Retrieved from https://ccclib.org/blogs/post/new-years-resolution-learn-something-new/

Davis, Sarah. (2023, December 18). New Year’s Resolutions Statistics 2024. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-years-resolutions-statistics/

Mikhail, Alexa. (2022, October 16). The science behind why you need a hobby to boost your brain health and self-esteem. Retrieved from https://fortune.com/well/2022/10/16/hobby-to-boost-your-brain-health-and-self-esteem/

Pressman, S. D., Matthews, K. A., Cohen, S., Martire, L. M., Scheier, M., Baum, A., & Schulz, R. (2009). Association of enjoyable leisure activities with psychological and physical well-being. Psychosomatic medicine, 71(7), 725–732. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e3181ad7978

Spread Kindness This Holiday Season

The holiday season is considered a time of celebration and gathering with loved ones, but it can be a stressful and difficult time as well. The holidays can amplify feelings of grief, loss and loneliness for people that have suffered the loss of a loved one or for those that are dealing with symptoms of anxiety or depression (Bommersbach, 2023). Whether you are struggling yourself, or have individuals in your life who could use some support, doing something nice for someone else is a great way to help yourself and others to get through this challenging time of year. As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share:

“Have you ever noticed that sometimes when we are unhappy or not feeling good and we do something nice for another person, it can make us feel better? Has anyone ever done something kind for you that you weren’t really expecting? What did they do? How did it make you feel? This is a RAOK (Random Act of Kindness)!

Random = the person isn’t expecting it or doesn’t know you did it

Kindness = something that is helpful or appreciated by the other person”

Check out this list from CNN with some great ideas for spreading holiday kindness this season. You can even print it out and check off the acts of kindness as you complete them!

1. Buy coffee for the person behind you in line.
We all need a little pay it forward in our lives, and buying coffee or a meal for someone behind us in the drive through line could help start a chain of kindness. It doesn’t have to be expensive for it to be meaningful.

2. Give out candy canes to cashiers and food service workers when you go out.
We all eat out or go to the grocery store during the holidays, so why not bring some holiday cheer with you? Just get a couple boxes of candy canes to keep in your car and hand them to your waiter, waitress, cashier, or the person at the drive-thru window. It’s a simple way to tell them “thanks” for working this time of year.

3. Help neighbors wrap presents.
Do you have an elderly neighbor or one with a lot of kids? Why not offer your gift-wrapping services! Can’t wrap you say? Don’t worry it requires no skills to put an item in a gift bag. It’s a simple and free way to spread holiday kindness, and you might make a new friend!

4. Send someone a greeting card.
If you live far away from family and friends, snail mail can be the way to spread joy. Who doesn’t love getting something that isn’t junk in their mailbox. It only takes a moment to write a note to let someone know you are thinking about them – especially a friend who may be having a hard time with the holidays.

5. Check in on a friend - text or call them to say hello.
We know, phone calls have gone out of style, but honestly is it so hard to make a 10 to 15 minute call during the holidays? Check in on someone and let them know you are there. You may not know what they are going through, and it could help more than you know.

6. Volunteer or give to a charity.
We often hear that this time of year is the “season for giving,” but that doesn’t have to be money. Time is a great thing to give, whether it’s actually volunteering at a soup kitchen or finding a community service project in your area.

7. Have patience while traveling.
We know traveling is stressful, but you don’t have to let it turn you into a Grinch. Southwest gate agent Janet Gee, who is based in Denver, told CNN being kind goes a long way.

“Say, ‘Hi, Merry Christmas!’ or come bring us a snack. A little kindness can make a huge difference.” 

8. Wish someone “happy holidays”.
Short and simple, but effective and polite. 

9. Bake cookies for an elderly neighbor or relative. 
Who doesn’t love spontaneous baked goods? If you are baking anyway, why not just make an extra half dozen or so for a neighbor or relative that may be living alone. 

10. Hold the door for someone at the store.
It takes one extra second when you are walking in or walking out of a store to show kindness to someone. Slow down and notice the person behind you.

11. Take time out and watch a holiday movie with a loved one.
This is another opportunity to slow down and enjoy this time of year. Pick a favorite holiday movie and settle down with one or a few of your favorite people to take a time out of the holiday rush and just enjoy it.

12. Invite someone over for hot chocolate.
Another simple way to enjoy human interaction during the holidays. The art of face-to-face conversation seems to be lost on us these days, so why not bring it back in a warm and cozy way. Plus, it’s delicious.

References:

Bommersbach, Tanner. (2023, November 27). Supporting Your Mental Health During the Holiday Season. Retrieved from https://www.samhsa.gov/blog/supporting-your-mental-health-during-holiday-season

Johnson, Lauren M. (2019, December 12). 12 days of holiday kindness: A checklist to spread Christmas cheer. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/12/health/12-days-of-holiday-kindness-checklist-trnd/index.html

Think Kindness. (2023). 12 Christmas Kindness Ideas. Retrieved from https://thinkkindness.org/featured-kindness/12-christmas-kindness-ideas/

Practicing Gratitude During Challenging Times

During challenging times, practicing gratitude is a skill that may help us cope with great stress, sadness, anxiety or depression. In their work with students and teachers throughout the year, Acknowledge Alliance’s therapists and resilience consultants often emphasize the many health and well-being benefits of recognizing and expressing the things we are grateful for. Research has shown that gratitude is consistently linked to greater happiness, and has even been shown to help people be more patient, improve their relationships and sleep better. 

As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share that:

“Our brains are wired to think negative thoughts first, to keep us alive and safe. It’s harder to think positive thoughts, so we have to work at it. We have to practice thinking positively to be able to think positively more often.”

You can start cultivating gratitude today by trying an activity that our team uses with students in Project Resilience: Share your kind thoughts and gratitude with others by writing, drawing, or sending a message. Write a compliment or thank-you note for someone in your home, share a message of gratitude with a friend over a phone call or text, or draw a picture of something that makes you feel happy and display it for others to see. Members of the Acknowledge Alliance team put this into practice and shared their messages of gratitude:

“I am grateful for my support system. My boyfriend, family, and friends for sticking with me through my most difficult times. Each and everyone of them has a special place in my heart. I am blessed to have such amazing beautiful souls in my life. Forever grateful!”
- Aylin Hernandez, Resilience Consultant

- Lee Lucca, Finance and HR Director

“I am grateful for all those who seek peace.”
- Susan Esterly, Vice Chair of Board of Directors

“I am grateful for such a wonderful CCP team.” 
-Julianna Bianes, Assistant Director of Clinical Training & Collaborative Counseling Program Psychotherapist

“I am grateful for the teachers in my life who have taught me, sharing their knowledge, skills and tools, and also for my friends who give me kind and loving feedback that helps me learn how to be a better person.”
- Nancy Highbarger, Board of Directors

“In a world gone crazy and divisive, I am so grateful to be working at an agency where we focus on healing, so that youth, young adults, and educators can be in the world with increased empathy, trust, and a positive sense of self. I'm also grateful to be working with a wonderful team of professionals who are passionate about caring for the people with whom they work.”
     - Judith Gable, Collaborative Counseling Program Clinical Supervisor & Consultant

“CCP Team, Thank you for all that you do! You are appreciated more than you know. It is truly an honor to work with such esteemed individuals with such hearts of gold.”
- Kristal Navarro, Collaborative Counseling Program Director

"All of our staff inspire my gratitude. I am honored to work with all of you."
- Sharon Navarro, Executive Director

10 Tips for Coping with Change

Fall is a season of transitions, when the days get shorter and trees shed their summer foliage. It is a time that serves as a reminder that change is a natural and inevitable part of life. Even so, change, whether large or small, can be challenging to navigate. Luckily, there are proven tools that can be used to help with processing change. Check out the tips below from Psychology Today and Mental Health America that may help you better adapt to changes in your life:

1. Acknowledge the change.

It may be tempting to deny that change is happening or to ignore the feelings of stress that may be arising as a result (Sarkis, 2017). Instead, try acknowledging the change that is occurring and accepting the feelings that come along with it. Research shows that “adults who avoid problems struggle more with depression later on than individuals who actively approach problems with coping strategies” (Mental Health America, 2023). 

2. Realize that even good change can cause stress.

Even positive changes can result in a significant amount of stress or challenging feelings. Life events such as graduating, being promoted at work or having a baby are just a few examples of positive changes that can bring about stress and difficult emotions. Recognize that stress is just your body’s natural response to change and that it is okay to feel stress even if you are happy about the change (Sarkis, 2017).  

3. Try to maintain your typical schedule as much as possible.

As you are dealing with a lot of change, it can be helpful to maintain your typical schedule as much as possible. The parts of your routine that you can keep intact can serve as “anchors”, or reminders that some things are remaining the same and that your brain can be more at ease during these familiar activities (Sarkis, 2017). 

4. Maintain healthy habits.

During stressful times, many of us indulge in comfort foods more than we usually would. This may not be a problem in moderation, but maintaining a healthy diet is one of the best ways to support a strong immune system and provide yourself with the energy to sustain you in stressful situations. Research also shows that “exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function” (Sharma, Madaan & Petty, 2006). Exercising a few times a week or just walking around the block can help improve your mood as you deal with change.

5. Use your support system.

According to Mental Health America, “strong social support from family members following significant life events seriously lessens depression symptoms in teens and has a lasting positive effect in dealing with life changes” (2017). Whether it is a friend, family member, colleague or mental health professional, talking to someone about your challenges and asking for support can help you get through challenging times. Check out these resources for professional support: 

• San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services (BHRS): 800-686-0101

• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services: 800-704-0900

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call or text 988, or chat online

6. Try to focus on the positives.

You can acknowledge the fear, grief and other difficult feelings that change can bring, but it is important not to lose sight of the positive aspects of the change. By practicing gratitude, focusing on the small things that bring you joy, and reframing challenges as opportunities, you can retrain your brain to focus on the positives instead of the negatives (Mental Health America, 2023)

7. Write down your thoughts and feelings. 

All the thoughts and feelings one experiences during a life change can be overwhelming. Journaling is a great way to help you process everything you are thinking and feeling rather than holding it inside. Studies have shown that individuals who journaled about significant events were more satisfied with their lives and had better mental health than those who did not (Mental Health America, 2023). Free writing, a technique in which one writes their thoughts down as they come to mind without any concerns about writing properly, is one way to release your feelings onto paper. Writing lists or letters to yourself or someone else are other great journaling methods.

8. Prioritize self-care.

Remember to give yourself breaks when you need them, and take the time to do things that you enjoy. To ensure you have the energy to cope with the challenges that come with change, give yourself time to replenish, renew and restore.

9. Focus on what you can control. 

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with change is how helpless you may feel about what is happening. Try to focus on the parts of the change within your control. It may not feel significant initially, but you can control how you react to situations and how you will treat others in the midst of change (Mental Health America, 2023).

10. Remember your strengths. 

Change is not easy, and you should be proud of your ability to deal with the challenges and your growth from the experience. Mental Health America suggests reminding yourself often that you are strong and capable enough to make it through the challenges you are facing, and to remember how your unique strengths have helped you persevere through difficult changes before (2023). You may even consider reciting or writing positive affirmations as part of your daily self-care routine.

References: 

Mental Health America. (2023). Processing Big Changes: Tools 2 Survive. Retrieved from https://mhanational.org/processing-big-changes 

Sarkis, Stephanie. (2017, January 19). 10 Ways to Cope With Big Changes. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/10-ways-cope-big-changes

Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD. Exercise for mental health. Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106. doi: 10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a. PMID: 16862239; PMCID: PMC1470658.

Let's Rethink How We Define Resilience

The term “resilience” has become such a popular term in our culture that its meaning has become increasingly distorted from its original definition. Well-intentioned people tend to use the word as a way to describe one’s ability to endure or persevere through hardship. As journalist and Perspective Magazine founder Anmol Irfan elaborated, “many use it in what they see as a positive way, attempting to call someone strong or able to deal with their trauma” (2023). The word is increasingly being used to describe survivors of oppression and trauma, as well as people from marginalized communities. So how can this practice be harmful if it is well-intentioned? Even if it is meant as a compliment, describing someone as resilient can actually negatively affect the described individual and detract attention from underlying systemic issues in several ways.

Bias and Resulting Inequities

Being aware of our own biases and understanding how they can influence our reactions and behaviors is critical to practicing diversity, equity, inclusion and justice principles. When bias leads us to believe that people from marginalized communities have higher levels of resilience, we ignore the fact that shared hardships can impact individuals differently (Singh, 2023). Making broad generalizations about someone’s ability to withstand difficulties can lead to inaction and neglecting our duty to respond to each person’s needs sufficiently. Instead, it is essential to consider the unique individual’s experiences and perspectives when determining equitable ways to support people facing hardships.

From Surviving to Thriving

As part of our panel discussion “Nurturing Resilience in the Face of Trauma" at Acknowledge Alliance’s 2023 Forget-Me-Not event, Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly shared her thoughts on how we need to reconsider our current definition of resilience and how it affects students. 

“Resilience is actually about recovery, but at least in how we use it nowadays, today we use it like the word “persevere” or “endure”... so students feel this pressure to be resilient. They think they just have to make a way out of no way and keep mushing through. That’s not resilience. Resilience is “recover, replenish and restore.” It’s actually about maybe even taking a break and replenishing. So it’s a little bit of a paradigm shift we need to think about when we use that word and how it’s actually landing on our students.” - Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly, Psychologist, self-worth expert, DEI Consultant, and Co-Founder of Inherent Value Psychology INC

As Dr. Simran Jeet Singh of the Aspen Institute’s Religion & Society Program explains, “resilience is not about gritting your teeth and suffering quietly, and it’s more than simply developing thick skin. Resilience is about our ability to find hope and agency amid difficulty” (2023). In order to help people to thrive rather than to merely survive, we must provide empathetic support that allows individuals to heal and replenish during challenging situations.

Deflecting from Real Systemic Issues

Rather than looking at the underlying causes of a problem, we tend to focus on the reactions of the survivors of trauma and oppression and their ability to manage the situation (Singh, 2023). This tendency masks the root issue and the systemic flaws that need to be addressed, and can instead place pressure on victims to “react the right way or to ‘bounce back’ as expected in order to be resilient” (Irfan, 2023). By shifting our focus from reactions to systemic causes, we can begin to find lasting and equitable solutions to problems.

At Acknowledge Alliance, we frequently use the word “resilience”, and feel it is important to ensure our usage does not lead to unintended consequences for anyone in our community - people from marginalized groups, survivors of oppression and trauma, and any of the students and educators we work with. We believe it is time for us all to critically rethink how we define and use the term resilience. 

View the full panel discussion and other recordings from the 2023 Forget-Me-Not event on our Youtube channel!

References: 

Irfan, Anmol. (2023, August 7). Why Calling Marginalized People “Resilient” Is Not A Compliment. Anti-Racism Daily. Retrieved from https://the-ard.com/2023/08/07/why-calling-marginalized-people-resilient-is-not-a-compliment/

Singh, Simran Jeet. (2023, March 22). “Resilient” Isn’t the Compliment You Think It Is. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2023/03/resilient-isnt-the-compliment-you-think-it-is

Improving Academic Outcomes Through Social-Emotional Support

With the start of the new school year, our students and teachers are returning to campus feeling relieved that the worst of the pandemic is behind us, but with deep concerns about the lingering effects of a year of virtual learning and chronic absenteeism. Many students struggled with the online learning format and even after schools reopened, nearly 30% of California public school students were chronically absent, meaning they missed 10% or more of the school year (Tadayon, 2023). As a result, there are now more students than usual that are struggling to perform at grade level. The educators we work with are passionate about achieving the best learning outcomes for all their students, and are grappling with how they can best help their students reach their full potential. Educators are finding it tempting to become increasingly rigorous and rigid in teaching in order to make up for learning loss. However, their own classroom experience in addition to a growing body of research shows that there is a strong correlation between social emotional well-being and academic performance - students who feel safe in their classrooms and have a positive relationship with their teacher are more likely to show increased learning. 

Acknowledge Alliance therapists and resilience consultants are ready to support our students and educators with these evolving challenges, and are preparing to meet the increased demand for mental health support services. Our Resilience Consultation Program (RCP) will continue to facilitate social-emotional learning (SEL) lessons that focus on building student and classroom resilience skills through Project Resilience. These SEL lessons are essential to closing the achievement gap since evidence shows that SEL not only improves achievement by an average of 11%, but also increases positive social behaviors like kindness, sharing, and empathy. These social behaviors help improve student attitudes toward school, and reduce depression and stress among students (Durlak et al., 2011). The RCP team will also continue their critical work supporting our educators’ capacity, because if teachers feel socially and emotionally cared for, they will be better equipped to attend to student social and emotional needs.

Our Collaborative Counseling Program (CCP) therapists are eager to jump right back into providing on-site counseling to some of our schools’ most at-risk students. Our partner schools are anxiously awaiting these sessions to begin, with many of them already forced to create waiting lists for counseling sessions before the first day of school. This already significant demand only includes returning students (most of whom may not have had any services over the summer); new student referrals will be added on as the school year progresses. Our team is ready to serve this amazing and resilient community with Acknowledge Alliance’s approach of healing through the power of judgment-free, long term therapeutic relationships. Year after year, we have seen that when students get the mental health support they need, they are able to begin healing and can refocus attention on their academic pursuits. As one CCP high school student shared about their counseling experience last year,

“I am more confident when I talk to others… I learned to manage anxiety at school and I was able to graduate. I could talk to my therapist about stressful and difficult things that happened at home [that I] could not tell others. I am grateful for my therapist.”

With the many challenges our students and teachers are facing, Acknowledge Alliance is ready to provide the support needed to have a successful and fulfilling school year. 

References: 

Durlak, J.A., Weissberg, R.P., Dymnicki, A.B., Taylor, R.D., & Schellinger, K.B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82, pp.405-432.

Tadayon, Ali. (2023, April 17). California districts see more chronic absenteeism than before pandemic. EdSource. Retrieved from https://edsource.org/2023/california-districts-still-see-more-chronic-absenteeism-than-before-pandemic/688787

9 Ways to Improve Teen Mental Health This Summer

For many of us, the summer months bring fond memories of trips to the beach, sunny days spent swimming at the pool, fun family vacations and plenty of free time to spend with friends. In contrast to this brighter side of summer, it can also be an especially challenging time for the mental health of teenagers. For many teens, the unstructured summer days can lead to unhealthy sleeping and eating habits, isolation from friends and family, increased screen time, and overconsumption of social media. In fact, a survey published by Common Sense Media found that the average youth ages 8 to 12 spends 5.5 hours daily using screens, and teenagers ages 13 to 18 spend an average of 8.75 hours daily on screens (Moyer, 2022). This already high number of hours tends to increase during the summer, which is concerning since research has shown a strong correlation between social media use and increased rates of depression and anxiety in young people (Doucleff, 2023). 

How can we help teenagers to avoid a decline in their mental health during the summer? Encourage the teens in your life to try out some of these ideas that will benefit their well-being and help them get the most out of the summer break:

1. Maintain regular sleep and wake times.

Sticking to typical bedtimes and wake times helps the body to maintain circadian rhythms, which keep the body regulated and functioning optimally (Paradis, 2022). Increased screen time has been linked to a decrease in the number of hours young people sleep each night, with nearly 50% of 10th and 12th graders only sleeping seven or fewer hours per night (Doucleff, 2023). Youth of this age should actually be sleeping nine hours a night, and this sleep deprivation can actually cause mental health issues like anxiety, depression and self-harm” (Doucleff, 2023). 

2. Minimize screen time by journaling or meditating instead.

Avoiding screen usage before bedtime may actually help you fall asleep since “blue light from televisions, phones and other electronic devices suppresses melatonin levels and delays sleep onset” (Paradis, 2022). Instead, activities like journaling or meditation may help teenagers to relax and process their thoughts from the day. Aside from standard journaling where one can record their thoughts and worries, keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to list all the things one is thankful for or enjoyed that day (Paradis, 2022).

3. Volunteer and help our community.

There are so many worthy causes in need of support. Help your teenager to identify a cause or issue area they are passionate about, and then find organizations that are doing work in that space that could benefit from their help. Youth Community Service is a fantastic organization that organizes a wide range of public service projects throughout the Mid-Peninsula. Whether they volunteer at their local animal shelter, help out at a local coastal clean-up day, or run a food drive, community service is a great way for teenagers to learn how vital a role they can play in improving our society. 

4. Get a summer job or start a business.

Earning their own paycheck and gaining work experience are valuable life skills for teenagers that can boost their self-worth. If your teenager is old enough for an official part-time job, encourage them to seek out positions and apply. Those unable to secure a typical job can instead find other business opportunities like babysitting, mowing a neighbor’s lawn or dog walking. San Mateo County Jobs for Youth and Work2Future are two organizations that provide teenagers in San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties with career development and job seeking support.  

5. Learn new skills or pursue an interest by taking a class.

What better way to spend all that free time than to explore a new interest or hobby that your teen is not able to pursue during the school year? Check out your local community college or community education resources for arts, automotive, performance, or any number of interesting classes. 

6. Get some exercise.

Aside from the physical health benefits, research shows that “exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function” (Sharma, Madaan & Petty, 2006). Encourage your teenager to join a gym or yoga studio, or you can even start your own family running club.

7. Plant a garden.

By planting a garden, teenagers can enjoy the sense of pride they get from nurturing a plant from seed to full bloom, or the satisfaction of preparing a delicious meal of home-grown fruits and vegetables. Many communities have community garden programs. Check out this list from Incredible Edible Mid-Peninsula, and the Sunnyvale Teaching and Demo Garden. Encourage your teenager to enjoy some fresh air by getting out in the garden with you and other community members today.

8. Spend time together as a family.

Summer is a great time for families to spend quality time together. Spending time together does not have to mean going on a vacation - it can be just as meaningful and fun to find smaller scale activities to do together throughout the summer. Movie nights, playing board games, hosting a family book club or grilling together in the backyard are just a few ideas of how you can create wonderful memories without leaving home.

9. Get professional help. 

During the summer and anytime of the year, getting professional support may help teenagers to work through their feelings and challenges:

• San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services (BHRS): 800-686-0101

• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services: 800-704-0900

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call or text 988, or chat online

References: 

Doucleff, Michaeleen. (2023, April 25). The Truth About Teens, Social Media and the Mental Health Crisis. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/04/25/1171773181/social-media-teens-mental-health

Moyer, Melinda Wenner. (2022, March 24). Kids as Young as 8 Are Using Social Media More Than Ever, Study Finds. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/well/family/child-social-media-use.html

Paradis, Katie. (2022, June 29). Summertime Sadness: Helping Children Manage Summer Depression. Retrieved from https://answers.childrenshospital.org/summer-depression/

Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD. Exercise for mental health. Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106. doi: 10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a. PMID: 16862239; PMCID: PMC1470658.

4 Strategies for Coping with End-of-the-School Year Stress

For most of our students and teachers, June brings the end of the school year - a time filled with a variety of emotions that can include excitement and celebration, but can also spur feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety. Many students look forward to summer breaks filled with time with friends and family, fun activities and more flexible schedules because they are fortunate enough to possess a certain degree of “family privilege”. Family privilege is defined as “an invisible package of assets and pathways that provide us with a sense of belonging, safety, unconditional love, and spiritual values” (Desautels, 2016). Young people who possess family privilege feel connected to their caregivers and have an emotionally supportive home environment. Unfortunately, many of the students Acknowledge Alliance therapists work with in our Collaborative Counseling Program do not share this same level of family privilege at home. For these students, the onset of summer vacation also means losing the structured school environment, which may be their sole source of social and emotional support. However, no matter a student’s circumstances, they are all faced with the anxiety and challenging emotions that come with end of the school year transitions.

For teachers, the end of the school year can be an especially stressful time, when educators may feel overwhelmed by increased testing, participation in school projects, meetings with parents and students, needing to keep students engaged, as well as worrying about the needs of their vulnerable students being met during the summer (Desautels, 2016). The resilience consultants in our Resilience Consultation Program work with teachers all year long to create classrooms that nurture students’ social-emotional needs, and they see firsthand how educators’ stress levels surge as they feel the weight of year-end obligations on top of managing shifting classroom dynamics and student behaviors in response to the end-of-year changes.

Acknowledge Alliance was founded on the belief that when a child has a caring adult in their life who believes in them and their abilities, they can succeed despite adversities. With that belief in mind, we encourage everyone to support our community’s students and teachers in coping with the challenges the end of the school year brings. Education Week and Edutopia provided the following strategies for helping students cope with end-of-the-year stress and to ease transitions for everyone. Try some out and share these ideas with the people in your life who they could benefit!

1. Lean into traditions or create new ones.

Change is difficult for all of us, but Megan Bledsoe, Washington’s 2020 school counselor of the year shares that “embracing or creating traditions can help students navigate and feel prepared for transitions. It can also give students something to look forward to.” Annual events like end-of-year celebrations, class picnics, and promotion or graduation ceremonies give students something to look forward to while also allowing them to experience a rite of passage. 

A symbolic gift is another way to help students cope with change by helping them connect an object with your enduring relationship. The gift can be any item that holds a special meaning, or a photograph of you together paired with a positive affirmation. Whatever is given to the youth in your life, it will be carried with them as they transition to the next phase of their life. It will also serve as a reminder that the relationship you share is not over, but has simply evolved and continues even if you do not see each other as frequently.  

2. Create opportunities for peers to support each other.

Teenagers often feel more comfortable opening up to each other about their concerns and challenges. Setting up dedicated time and space for students to gather and talk can be a great way for young people to build emotionally supportive connections. 

3. Encourage taking breaks to help with managing difficult emotions.

It can be tempting to keep pushing oneself to keep up with the hectic pace of the end of the school year, but we are all human and need proper rest in order to stay energized and focused. Students and teachers can take five minutes to stretch or practice deep breathing to rejuvenate themselves and stay grounded.

4. Take care of both physical and emotional well-being.

Drinking enough water, getting plenty of sleep, and eating well are practices fundamental to our health that we can all lose sight of during stressful times. Encourage students and teachers to stick to these important routines, and you can even help by offering healthy snacks and meals. Try this recipe for Date Energy Balls that our Resilience Consultation Program Manager, Poonam Singh, Ed.M, PCC, shared with teachers at a recent Acknowledge Alliance educator art and wellness session. 

References:

Peetz, Caitlynn. (2023, May 22).Schools Can Help Students With End-of-the-Year Stress. Here Are 4 Strategies. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/leadership/schools-can-help-students-with-end-of-the-year-stress-here-are-4-strategies/2023/05

Desautels, Lori. (2016, June 10). Calming End-of-Year Stress. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/blog/calming-end-of-year-stress-lori-desautels.